A Little Monsterrr

[A personal journal from 2018 (possibly a chapter on something I'm writing right now)]

While I was locked in my room, a sentence just came out of my head. "You have feelings. Snap out of it. Don't make your heart like a rock. Learn to accept it." I told myself. These tears busted and I can't help but feel miserable. My parents came to me and I always hear this ringing tune in my ear, It says something and all I hear is "It's your fault. You're useless" "Everything's your fault" "You're a mistake. Why are you my child?". Maybe they were right. Maybe I was useless and a mistake. I just have to accept it. I stayed silent for years and I endured many years of the same things being said to me and I finally said "It's all my fault. You don't have to repeat it. It's my fault. It's all my fault. I did nothing to prove my worth here. Are you happy now?". Because of me, my parents separated. Months have passed since they separated when my mom found my stepdad. My first impression of him was a nice guy. I guess he was the reason how I bonded with my mom again. I trusted him that I opened up a lot to him and never did I know that he took advantage of my vulnerability. He knew how weak I was mentally and emotionally. I guess he just knew that I wouldn't know it...