ProjectJoanne

I don't want to spread this info but I just really need to release it from myself. My GF almost committed suicide and I had to call the cops to check on her and I told her dad to check on her. He thanked me for telling him to check on her and didn't tell me anything else so I'm guessing he was able to help stop her. This started because I'm basically gay. She asked me earlier today if I would be happier with her or a guy and I told her the truth and said that I might be happier with a guy but that I still loved her. Things went South and she started to panic and cause a whole mental storm in her head and she said that she couldn't take it anymore and told me that this was the last text she was ever gonna send me. 

I feel terrible about what I said, not just that but the other things that just furthered onto it, she told me that it was selfish of me to not want her to commit s. because of how much she's suffering and I told her that she's also being selfish for wanting to leave the world and emotionally traumatize everyone around her. I said some things I shouldn't have said. 

My dad just talked to me a lot and told me and helped me feel better and also said that I shouldn't be in any kind of relationship right now because I'm still trying to figure myself out (like who I am and what kind of person I want to be with). Eventually it got to where we were talking about Lady Gaga barely surpassing the age of 27 which was the ARTPOP year where she broke her hip, her management team left her, she opened up about her past trauma, the media and EVERYONE basically not wanting anything to have to do with her anymore, all that. He reminded me that her family and her new manager Bobby really helped her with everything that was going on till she eventually turned 28 and successfully surpassed the notoriously cursed age of 27. With everything that he said, it reminded me of a certain song on Chromatica, 1000 Doves.

I had never really connected that much with the lyrics before and the actual music itself is more on the generic side compared to most of the album. BUT, after everything that's been going on and realizing how hurt Gaga must've been throughout 2013, I realized 1000 Doves is just a powerful and meaningful song not just to Gaga herself but also anyone who's going through a hard time and just needed someone to be there for them. This song for the first time ever is now one of my favorites off of Chromatica now that I can actually understand everything about what this song is about, not necessarily feel, but understand, it's it's very heartbreaking, but also anthemic.